Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Oh Well...

Oh well... So much for fasting. I was doing pretty well....... and then I almost fainted. It was my own fault. There's a reason that you're not supposed to shower on a fast day. But I was feeling SO yucky, and so sweaty and dirty that I needed to. I knew it was one of the things besides not eat that you weren't supposed to do. But I figured I'd feel better afterwards.

I was wrong. It made me feel worse, and I almost fainted in the shower. But I came out ok, I turned off the water and sat down, opened the curtain and just sat until the feeling passed me. And then I ate something because I was still feeling so shaky. And I felt so much better after I ate. And I know you're not supposed to fast to the point of being ill. But I feel guilty and bad. So much for observance to feel more connected and to pray for easier observance. Like the spirit I was looking for is saying HAH! YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!!!

All I can say, and hope to feel is that I did my best, and my heart and spirit was, and still is in the right place and frame of mind that it was when I started this fast. I still want to fix my observance, and find my spirit. I couldn't make it through the fast but instead of meaning that maybe the spirit isn't out there, maybe it means that I just need to look a little bit harder. I hope so.

1 comment:

Rob Cole said...

G-d is closer to you than you think; hang in there. With all my love, Rob.