Oh The Patients I Had.... ( A Dr. Seuss Version of My Day)

Oh the patients I had,
Yesterday what a day.
It was not a good time,
It was not fun and play.

The first two of the morn
were in the ED,
And the Case Manager there
Should be stung by a bee.

Patient number one
was a very sick man.
He just recently left
And then came back again.

He arrived in his home
and then fell on the floor.
He came back to the hospital
for he felt very sore.

Case Manager told me
"Say he's safe to go home.
We can't keep him here,
there is no broken bone."

"He lives by himself
And he's not safe" I said,
"He may fall again,
He may hit his head!"

"I won't say he's safe
if I think he will fall.
If I do and he does,
it's me they will call!"

"I'll write what I see.
I won't lie for you,
I won't risk my job
So don't ask me to."

His balance was poor
His gait was unsteady
"Sorry," I said,
"For home he's not ready."

Discharge now harder,
but what can you do?
I then read the chart
of patient number 2

This woman I read
Had pain pretty bad
And of course some more problems
Oh the patients I had!

When leaving from rehab
I'll give you a tip;
Be careful so you don't
dislocate your new hip.

No orders were there
to get out of bed
nor to walk on that leg.
"I won't touch her I said!"

The doctor was called
He said, "Not one pace!
She can't move from the bed!
Not without her brace!"

Her brace was at home.
A long time it would take.
Case Manager upset at me.
She should jump in a lake!

Her husband came later
her hip brace in tow.
Her eval got done.
To rehab she'll go!

On the surgical floor
the third patient, how bad.
This man is NOT smart,
Oh the patients I had!

His colon was fixed
for there was a hole.
Oh how it got there!
With laughter you'll roll!!!!!

Home remedy he tried
For he couldn't poop.
Oh the patients I had
Imagine how stup! (id)

No enema for me!
That just won't work!
A garden hose I'll try,
and right up I'll perk!

Oh how wrong was he
A hole, somewhat big.
Colon surgery for him
And in future, eat a fig.

And as you can see
My morning was bad
Everyone was cranky
Oh the patient's I had.

My afternoon not much better
On the burn unit for me
That needs no more explaining
None were pleasant to see.

House fire, self lit,
hot water, and more,
Glad when day over,
to get off that floor.

I'm usually just fine
But the morning was bad
Couldn't deal with those burns
Oh the patients I had.

Cranky and painful
Arguments, a butt popped.

And as you'd imagine

I got home and flopped!

Yesterday wasn't fun
Yesterday was a drag.
not easy, but with a laugh
Oh those patients I had.