Friday, July 23, 2004


I am disliking my stomach right now. I dislike tummyaches, and I dislike them when they make me feel unable to deal with daily life. Unable to enjoy a friend's event, unable to spend time with family, or friends, unable to spend time with Rob, unable to go to work. According to the doctor nothing is seriously wrong, so that's good, but it's frustrating to deal with when you're running off "you know where" so often. And it comes and then goes away and feels better and then comes back again, with no regular pattern. Sometimes it stays for days and weeks and sometimes it doesn't.

And today it kept me home from work. I HATE THAT. I hate feeling like I have to call in sick and I hate feeling so ureliable, but how can I treat patients in the hospital when I don't know when my stomach is going to tie itself in a knot? What am I going to do tell an unsteady patient to wait here, just a minute, while I run off to the ladies room? And I KNOW we're so short staffed, so I hate to leave them down a therapist, ESPECIALLY on a Friday which is ALWAYS the craziest day. But here I am, sitting on my couch, stomach in a semi-knot, blogging, instead of stretching a burn patients ankles, or teaching an elderly lady not to leave the walker by the wall and then walk to the bed, because that's a great way to fall.

But I know this was the right thing for my body today, to let it clean itself out, and to rest, which I think it needed. But I feel a bit guilty. I guess my perfectionism is showing through, my desire to be good at whatever I do go to work even though I may have a tummyache and not let anyone down. But I'm working this weekend, and I guess I can do that then, work extra hard or something, despite what I may be feeling, because the patients in the hospital are, inarguably, feeling worse. So if they can work with me to get out of bed, I can get myself out of the bathroom... Well, out enough to walk a patient or two. :)

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